Post by Kye on Feb 17, 2009 22:19:18 GMT -7
Dissed Claimer: I do not own pokemon, love hina, yu-gi-oh, ed, edd, and eddy, power puff girls, or any thing else I may reference to in this fiction of mine!
The Author Says: I WALK A LONELY ROAD ON HOLIDAY AND IT’S ALL THAT I’VE GOT BECAUSE I’M MR. BRIGHTSIDE! A CURSE ON YOU MANGLED MUNCHIN HEADS WHO SMITE THE ROYAL MAYONAISSE JARS OF JUSTICE FOR USE IN YOU SALT MINES OF FORTITUDE WITH YOUR PINK HATS AND GIRLISH CLOTHES! BEWARE THE SNORKS THAT SLEEP ON FOUR SCORE AND SEVEN YEARS AGO PIXIES WHO DABBLE IN OIL WHEN REPRESENTING THE LOLLIPOP GUILD AT THE JACKSON TRIAL ON STERIODS! LOOK BOSS, THE PLANE, THE PLANE! HE WORE AN ITSY BITSY TEENY WEENIE YELLOW POLKA DOT BIKINI! AND FURTHERMORE-
/Misty runs up and hits him with her mallet./
“Thank you. That was the result of one too many randomized fics. This fic is also pretty insane with some random nonsense, and a small plot. Enjoy!”
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“Seviper, use poison tail!”
“Cacnea, use pin missile!”
The over-grown caterpie, I mean large purple snake, whipped his glowing, purple tail at the menace to society, I mean tiny-harmless-innocent-cute & cuddly-wouldn’t hurt a fly-ball of yellow fluff, known as Pikachu. While the side salad, I mean small, green cactus pokemon, sent a flurry of needles at it. Pikachu, however, quickly dodged with agility, before knocking them into their trainers with a quick attack.
“Pikachu, use thunderbolt!”
The tiny electric mouse complied and sent a surge of electrical energy at the three crooks. There was a loud explosion, and the would-be-thieves were sent flying into the stratosphere, nearly dodging a low flying plane, several angry Swellow, a kite, Mary Poppins, a flying carpet, and a watch. (Time flies!)
“We’re blasting off again!”
“Wobba-wobb!”
“Chime, chime!”
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Commercial Break!
A couple of men are walking down the street, trying to figure out where to eat.
Boomerangs fly in and out of the Outback.
Police Officers are arresting the Burger King for stalking.
There’s a rat, rat here, and a roach, roach there at McDonalds.
Hornets and Wasps are stinging everyone in sight at Applebee’s.
Despite the warm, summer breeze, kids are building snowmen at Chili’s.
Boulders fall out of the sky and crush the nearby Hardies.
A small twister destroys the resident Wendy’s.
A church collapses and its bell tower falls onto Taco Bell.
A train jumps the tracks, crushing Subway.
The Olive Garden is overgrown with weeds.
A herd of bulls stampedes the Dairy Queen.
Capital One Vikings invade the Pizza Hut.
The men look at each other and say, “I’m thinking Arby’s!”
We know return to the story already in progress.
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The frequent flyers of Pikachu express, I mean Team Rocket, found themselves on a remote island after their latest defeat. After agreeing that bunging jumping without a parachute WASN’T a good idea, they started contemplating ways to exact their revenge and crush ash and his friends, a.k.a. the chosen one and his sidekicks, a.k.a. the sucker squad, a.k.a. team twerp, a.k.a. it’s them again, a.k.a. those meddling kids and that dog! (Wait, wrong show!)
The red-haired leader, known out loud as Jessie and known whispered as ‘you deranged psycho-bitch!’, was agreeing with something her bumbling blue-haired partner, known out loud as James and known whispered as ‘Damn, he’s hot!’ (You fan-girls know who you are!)
“No, you’re right, James, machine guns would cost too much. Besides, even though that brat has attacked us with enough fire-power to make World War II look like a water gun fight, and even though we’ve been bitten, beaten, zapped, slapped, clawed, pawed, stomped, bonked, fired, watered, and frozen enough times to make the Jackson trial look like jaywalking, we can’t just kill the kid. I mean, without him there would be no show!”
The red and blue-haired partner’s wipe off their white uniforms, (oh boy, it’s great to say, good morning USA! –American Dad) and snap in disappointment. Meanwhile their third member, a small, white, flabby, I mean tabby cat, known out loud as Meowth and known whispered as ‘mangy mongrel’, whistles innocently as he wonders if he should remind his teammates of the time where they almost charbroiled ash at the pokemon league, or when they sent him plummeting to his doom off of a tire robot, or when they tried to crush him with a hammer, or when they, you get the idea.
At this time, a certain blue pokemon known as Wobbuffet decides he feels like a pancake, pops out of his poke ball, and finds out how true that statement is when he’s smashed by Jessie’s mallet. At this time Meowth speaks up.
“It doesn’t matter how often we fight the twerps. We’ll always lose because he’s got that Pikachu, not to mention all them other strong and rare pokemon.”
“You know Jess, he’s right. We can’t win because our pokemon aren’t nearly that strong, and we only have four to begin with. In a way, the only way to beat their pokemon is to use their pokemon.”
Jessie scoffs. “And just how do you suppose we do that, James?”
At this time it is 2:00 pm. Also, meowth takes in their surroundings and notices a large machine behind them.
“What’s that?”
All those present said aye! They also whipped around to find meowth staring at a large evil looking device. A conveyer belt led into a machine, connected to several large tanks, filled with some type of water. All of them had a strange sense of deja vu.
Jessie, looking nervous, “do either of you get the feeling that we’ve been here before?”
James holds his chin thoughtfully. “This is like the prequel to a movie I missed.”
After getting bonked on the head, since if he acted any stupider it would be illegal, he points out something on the machine. They all read the mysterious panel, and their faces light up with understanding.
“I have an idea!” Jessie sings.
- As the author prepares to end the story since the fat lady sang, he sees the evil look Jessie is giving him, and thinks better of it.
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Commercial Break!
Narrator: CinnaMon knows that kids love the sweet cinnamon taste of Apple Jacks®. That’s why, every time someone pours a bowl of Apple Jacks® cereal, he sprints to the breakfast table to deliver the taste kids want.
“Here I come! I am CinniMon!”
Narrator: But there’s a Bad Apple out there who has other ideas.
-As cinnamon passes the apple he says, “Those are my apple jacks!” and runs after him.
a large Tiger is standing by a bowl of hexagonal cereal
Tony: I was sure I did everything right! What am I missing?
sees cinnamon running by and grabs him
Tony: of course! I forgot the cinnamon!
-bad apple runs up to the house, jumps in the cereal bowl and says, “now who’s the winna-mon!”
kid takes a bite of apple jacks and spits it out
“Yuck! Mom, my apple jacks tastes like apples!”
- As a confused parent stares at her kid, the author returns to the story already in progress.
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Later, at the Headquarters’ for Scrawny R’ Us, I mean the twerps campsite, Brock can be found jerking off to the latest Brittany Spears CD, while Ash and Misty practice the Ninja Harem, and pikachu charges admission-
- The author notices the fan fiction administrators reaching for the holy switch and tones it down, while making a mental note to cut back on the Naruto books.
“Holy two all-beef patties, pickles, lettuce, onions, cheese, special sauce on a sesame seed bun!” Brock exclaimed.
The girl known out loud as Misty, and known whispered as Musty, know-it-all bitch who doesn’t deserve ash, (fan-girls) and the boy known out loud as Ash, and known whispered as, Scrawny, whiny, little rotten brat who couldn’t catch a pokemon or win a match without pikachu if his life depended on it, looked up at their friend to see what drugs he was on, hoping he had some for them.
“What the problem is chief?” asked Ass Ketchup, I mean Ashley, I mean As-if-he-could-ever-be-a-master, I mean the chosen one, I mean the frozen one, I mean the posing one,-
- As annoyed readers wonder if they should search for a different fic to read, the author looks up the kids name and gets it right.
Brock: I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico!
Anime Fall
“Plus I just got this letter!”
Ash looks at the letter B on the paper.
“Cool!” he said.
“But look on the back! There’s a note! (Musical) And I got this message!” (Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?)
Ash and Misty read the message from Team Rocket.
“It says there challenging us to a duel tomorrow and to be ready to lose.
They all look at each other, with a straight face, as they try not to think about the daily aerial shows pikachu provides them. Then they crack up.
Ash: “looks like another credit for pikachu’s charge account!”
Misty: “if that is what they wish! “
Brock: “The match shall restore my strength!”
- The author looks at what he just wrote and decides he’s watched one too many movies.
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Commercial Break!
We find ourselves in a household where a young boy is found enjoying a bowl of rice krispies. His mom jokingly asks what his rice krispies are saying.
“Snap, Crackle, and Pop are in a meadow.”
Pop talking to flowers: Hi! How you doing? Do you come here often? What’s your name?
Snap: Sigh! I told him not to drink the milk if it was 8 days past the expiration date! Did he listen!
Crackle: He heard that talking to flowers makes them grow!
Snap: Ever heard of water?
Crackle: Here Pop! Try some Rice Krispies!
Snap, Crackle, Pop!
37 million flowers come out of nowhere, burying our unfortunate mascots, who are never heard from again!
back at the house
“And that’s what my Rice Krispies are saying!”
The Mother stares at him like he lost his mind.
“The Fu He!” Puts her ear to the cereal bowl, but all she can hear are the random snaps, crackles, and pops, caused by the milk hitting the air pockets of the baked rice.
“The heck did you eat last night!”
“All I had was that basil spaghetti we had for dinner.”
The mother pulls a plastic bag out of the cabinet and stares at the green contents. She takes out one of the leaves, smells it, and then eats one. She considers, and eats one again.
“This is not Basil.”
As her husband upstairs wonders why it’s taking so long to get high, and why the green leaves he’s munching remind him of spaghetti, the author returns to the story already in progress.
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Pikachu could be found along with all the other pokemon having an orgy party, teaching Psyduck the basics, and basically doing things that don’t belong in PG-13 fics!
Pikachu: So I stick my fog horn in her whistle to make her elephant trumpet!
Psyduck: Ah! Now I understand! Can I try!
They could be found doing that! But they weren’t. Pikachu and the gang, after terrorizing the local McDonald’s for forgetting the pickles, were chilling with a few “good” books in the forest. They were so busy “reading” that they didn’t notice the small metal claws picking up some of their shed fur. They also didn’t notice someone’s long red hair, someone’s short blue hair, a gold charm, someone coughing, scratching, and screaming, Psyduck reading a physics book with overly large glasses, several misplaced socks (unmatched), several pairs of keys, Waldo, Carmen Sandiago, a girls bra, a boys shorts, assorted Frisbees and footballs, the butterfree mating season, an elephant stampede, and Osama Bin Laden. Proof that there’s nothing like a good “book”!
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Commercial Break!
a man walks down a row of cubicles
“Here at Safe Auto, we really couldn’t give a rat’s a about your needs and concerns.”
turns to a woman, talking to a customer
“She’s been riding a bike all summer, and now she needs insurance. I told her to go f herself.”
“Here at Safe Auto, we make sure you get the answers you deserve when you need them.”
turns to a man, talking to a customer
“He wants to know how soon he can get insurance if he can pay now. I told him to kiss my a.”
“At Safe Auto we’ll give you the things you need, for a price that meets yours!”
Pick up the phone, insults are free!
(Player-hate!)
1-800-Safe-Auto
(Player-hate!)
Safe Auto!
We know return to the story already in progress
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The next day
The author got several reviews asking when the story would be updated. He replied that he would work on it later.
Later
The author got several more reviews asking about updates, and replied that he was suffering writer’s block and would get to it eventually.
eventually
The writer wakes up, says “uh”, and goes back to bed.
uh
The author says: F& you, and your ugly grandma! You F# w$’s can kiss my a$$! M&$F(&$ b&’s! You piece of f$$ frog s#, piece of s# a$$h--!
(Too many movies)
so much later they had to hire substitute authors. Having nothing else to do since discovering Barney was really Michael, the brats jumped at this job.
Tom Ato and his disciples, Ann Chovie and Ceaser Salad, head over to the Olive Garden. (Whoops, wrong episode!)
Ash and the gang find there way to a deserted meadow, where an arena has been set up.
- As angry environmentalists run up, angry that someone would poison good grass with their messy paint, the author, from behind his force field, informs them that it is non-toxic and washable.
Jessie James, Butch Cassidy, and the Sundance-
(Whoops!)
Jessie and James were waiting for them.
The gang looked up in they sky.
“Look! Up in the sky!”
“Is it a bird?”
“Is it a plane?”
“Is it the imprint of a departed soul?” (Harry Potter Fans, check out it’s superman!”
Superman, show-off that he is, shoots of a few lasers. Unfortunately, meowth was in the hot air balloon, looking at himself in the mirror, and one of the beams bounces off the mirror (breaking it), off his charm, and into Superman’s, um, candy cane.
I I take you to the candy shop! I let you lick the lollypop! I/
Superman flew off, cursing the pokemon characters to Hell’s Kitchen and back.
Meowth laughs. “Ha, ha! I knew that breaking a mirror was bad luck; So much for that theory! Listen up twerps! This here will be a best four out of seven, all or nothing match. If you win, we will quit team rocket, surrender our pokemon, and open up a se-, uh fast food joint! If we win you will quit pokemon training, surrender your pokemon, and be our se-, uh food servants for a week!”
Ash looked at Team Rocket and said, exasperatingly “you know, we do have better things to do with our lives, then kick your sorry butts into next weeks episode!”
James: “oh sure you do! You’ve been, uh, trying to become a pokemon master, right? Umm, hmm, been, uh working on that for the past three years, eh? Been, umm, doing a little training, uh? Been traveling around to the different regions? Been, uh, earning a few, uh, badges? Been collecting some new pokemon? Got a nice little assortment, there, eh? Been, uh, scoping out the competition? Seen a few legendaries lately? Got in a few matches, hmm? Doing that for about three years, eh? Yeah, you’re real busy!” (Lucky there’s a Family Guy!)
Ash and the gang huddled, decided on a field goal at the 50 yard line, and agreed.
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Commercial Break!
The Trix Rabbit steals the kids Trix yogurt and cereal, only to be tricked again.
Girl: silly rabbit! Trix are for kids!
Rabbit: shut the F up! I am so sick and tired of you saying that! Every single time! Where on the box does it say that! Tell me!
Boy: What if we don’t shut up! What are you going to do about it!
Rabbit: I’ll buy my own Trix!
Boy: Ha! Everyone knows rabbits can’t get jobs!
Rabbit: I’m sure I’ll get plenty of money by selling this picture of some boy, wearing some girls sky blue bra and panties, breast-feeding a power-puff girl doll, while sitting on a unicorn-patterned bed, with a picture of Kim possible and Ron stoppable, sans clothing, on the wall, on EBay!
Boy: Wait! You know, I’ve been thinking and we have been a little harsh all these years! Why don’t you just take our cereal!
Girl: Wait, that sounds a lot like my room! I have a poster just like that! You pervert!
As the poor boy gets his head handed to him, the author returns us to the story, already in progress.
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Ash sent out Bayleff, figuring she would make short work of Jessie’s Seviper. Hiding behind Misty and Brock, so as not to be poke-raped when she came out, he summoned her to the field.
- Yami Yugi: I I summon Exodia! Obliterate! I/
- Seto Kaiba: I Not so fast Yugi! I activate light force swords, destroying a piece of Exodia! I/
- Yami Yugi: I damn it! I/
Bayleef, deprived of her daily cheap thrill, swung the leaf on her head and launched a few razor-sharp leaves at Team Rocket. Suddenly two vines flew through the air, knocking the leaves aside, before wrapping around Bayleef and holding her immobile. With a gasp, Ash and the gang realized that Jessie had summoned not Seviper, but a Bayleef!
“Ha, ha, ha! You twerps don’t stand a chance this time. We’ve made clones of all your pokemon! It’s like fighting yourself!” Jessie laughed.
Ash grumbled and said, “No clone can ever be as good as the original! Bayleef, use vine whip!”
Bayleef used vine whip to attack its counter-part, but its clone released it. Using its vines, it jumped over bayleefs attack, and landed on its back in a body-slam. As Ash’s pokemon fainted, he realized with horror that not only did Team Rocket somehow have a copy of all their pokemon, the clones also had the unique characteristics of their counter-parts, including all their moves!
Misty called out her trusty starfish. In a flash of light a yellow duck appeared, and was instantly crushed by misty’s hammer. It evolved into a large blue duck, flipped misty the bird, and ran off into the wild to find some hot, sexy, chicks- I mean a sense of self and a good trainer. Glad to be rid of it, misty sent out Staryu, and Jessie did the same. Both Staryu’s did a spinning tackle and sent the other flying. Misty’s staryu hit Jessie’s with a bubble beam, before trapping it in a whirlpool. Misty cheered, but then Jessie’s broke free with rapid spin, and tackled misty’s. Jessie’s moved to hit misty’s again, when it disappeared with Camouflage. Misty’s reappeared, and fired several razor-sharp stars at Jessie’s, who quickly used recover, and rapid spin. Misty’s was knocked back into a rock, and before it could get up, it was hit again and fainted.
“Ha, ha, ha! Pathetic! We just started and it’s already 2-0!” Jessie gloated.
Misty and Jessie sent out Gyarados. Jessie’s shot a wave of flames at Misty’s. It dodged the attack, at the same time spewing a wave of water all around it. It curled up, and rode the resulting wave into its opponent, knocking it off its feet. Before Jessie’s Gyarados could recover from the surf attack, it was hit by an ice beam, and frozen. Misty was about to recall her pokemon, when a bright golden flame ripped through the ice, and the freed gyarados hit her pokemon with a raging twister. It then flew at the spiraling pokemon, biting it in the neck, and causing it to scream in pain.
“Hyper Beam”
Gyarados’s mouth filled with a pulsing, white energy that was fired at the ‘pain in the neck’, knocking it out.
Meowth calmly noted that the score was 2-1, and takes the time to remember all the hard studying he and his partners had to do to get this far.
Flashback
Team Rocket in Art Class:
They were told to paint a picture of a naked model.
James: Do I have to paint the penis?
In Drawing Class:
James: Do I have to draw the penis?
In Sculpting Class:
James: Do I have to sculpt it with my penis?
- The author looks at what he just wrote and decides he’s watched too much Family Guy.
End Flashback
The boy known out loud as Brock, and known whispered as that squinty eyed pervert, called upon his trusty mudkip, and growled when James did the same. Mudkip hit the ground with its tail, sending a wave of mud at its opponent. James pokemon ducked, the attack going over its head. It shot a torrent of water at its foe, which turned into a whirlpool, and sent the helpless pokemon spinning around in circles.
“Hydro Pump”
Mudkip fired water at the ground, propelling it up and out of the whirlpool, and quickly used Protect as another jet of water flew at him. He ran at his opponent in take down, only to have him jump on his head and leap away. He fired a water gun at him, but it was dodged, before his opponent hit him with tackle. He fired several more water guns at its opponent, and was shocked that it dodged them all with ease, before once again tackling him. Brock realized that somehow this clone was faster then his. At this rate, his pokemon would be tired out before it could land a single shot. Then he had a stroke of Inspiration.
“Mudkip, don’t move!” he shouted.
Mudkip promptly stopped moving, sitting down in the middle of the field.
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Commercial Break!
2 men and a woman are sitting at a table, enjoying Taco Bells Cheesy Gordita Crunch.
Man 1: It’s soft; very soft, a little crunchy, but more mushy.
Man 2: definitely soft and mushy. I’d say Smushy.
“Smunchy, perhaps?”
“Definitely smunchy. There also great in pairs.”
“I hear that. Most people focus on one, but I say if there are two, focus on both!”
“Word up! Ever wonder what it’d be like if there were 3?”
“Let’s not get carried away now. 2 are more then enough!”
“But imagine if you only had one!”
“Ugh! That’s just wrong! You have to have 2, one would just be weird!”
“I hear ya! Knuckle me!”
As the poor woman wonders if they’re still talking about tacos, we return to the story already in progress.
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Meanwhile, in another part of Janto, or was it Koenn? No, no, definitely Hohto; a large, long tailed, purple cat was flying trough the trees. Did I mention he was large?
Mewtwo: I am NOT fat! I’m just big-boned!
Richard Simons: Yes! Just keep saying that; and work those thighs, and work those thighs, and-
Mewtwo sends a shadow ball at the pest, blasting him to pieces. A large, ominous voice yells: FINISH HIM!
Mewtwo screams like a little girl and runs through the forest.
Large, ominous voice: OOOOKAYYYY!
- The author decides to try that scene again.
Author: The large purple tailed cat, known out loud as Mewtwo and known whispered as-
Mewtwo: I am Psychic you know!
Author: I didn’t do it! I was kidding!
Mewtwo and his mousey friend were flying through the forest.
I Mew, Mew, Two of the jungle, strong as he can be! Ahh! Watch out for that tree! I/
Mewtwo crashes into a tree.
Author: I told you to watch out!
“Mother-fu---- piece of sh--! I otta chop you down and make toothpicks out of ya, you fu----- piece of dog sh--! You piece of fu---- frog sh--, piece of sh--a--hole!”
These censors brought to you by Silph Co.!
“Shut up!”
Pikachu 2 looks up at his creator and friend.
God: “quit staring at me you little punk!”
Pikachu: “sorry!”
Anyway, pikachu asks Mewtwo what the problem is.
“What do you think? I’m out here trippin on four-fours, wrapped in four-fours, and getting dissed like Mike Jones!”
Pikachu: “Who?”
Mewtwo: “Mike Jones.”
Pikachu: “Who!”
“Forget it! Any way, I think ash may be in danger. Since I was made I’ve seen dead people, I mean been able to sense other clones. I now sense that several evil clones are battling our old friend even as we speak. I feel a disturbance in the Force.”
A voice calls out: “ahh, very smart young grasshopper is!”
“The bloody heck!” Mewtwo looks around and sees a small, green creature sitting in a tree. He then screams like a little girl and runs through the forest.
“Aahhh! Run for your lives! It’s the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! They’re green! They’ve got weapons! They talk!”
A large sweat drop forms on the back of pikachu’s head.
Yoda: “hmm. Very strange that one is.”
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Commercial Break!
A chubby credit card employee is talking to a customer over the phone.
“I’d like to review my credit card miles?”
“Hmm. Okay!”
A sandy-haired executive, watching him on a monitor, grabs a nearby voodoo doll and says, “oh chub-sy! Come on! The answers always-“ sticks pin in doll
“No!” the chubby guy says, arching his back in pain.
Executive: “that’s right!” has the voodoo doll hit itself in the face.
Employee: hits himself in the face continuously.
Executive: “I’m not hearing it!”
Employee: upside down in trash can. “No! No!”
Executive: slides doll along the desk.
Employee: “No!” slides into girls restroom, scaring a girl, and gets slapped.
Executive: drops doll off desk.
Employee: falls off cliff. “No!”
Executive: sets doll on fire.
Employee: runs around in forest, burning up trees. “No! No!”
Executive: runs over doll with toy car.
Employee: “No!” gets hit by a bus.
Executive: smashes dolls hand with a hammer.
Employee: Smashes on hand with hammer. “No! No!”
Dresses up in girls clothing and moonwalks.
Kisses someone’s a.
Moons the president.
Chases a car like a dog.
Swings from a vine and crashes into a tree.
Gets chased by a bull.
Kicked in the nuts.
Jumps off an airplane.
Falls up the stairs.
Has house fall on him.
Goes over Niagara Falls in a barrel.
Gets electrocuted.
Gets blown up.
Eats a salad.
Employee: “No! No! No! No!”
Narrator: Capital One credit cards now featuring no black out dates, at any airline, at any time!
Employee in body cast: “I should of worked at Capital One!”
Executive in jail: “what’s in YOUR wallet?”
as our poor, unfortunate employee gets fixed, the author returns us to the story already in progress.
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Mudkip sat in the middle of the field, softly glowing. James laughed, thinking it was giving up, and ordered his mudkip to use quick attack. It ran at its sitting opponent and crashed into it. The pokemon flinched, but continued stand still. He came back around and once again tackled it to the ground. Mudkip flew across the field and crashed into a tree. It slowly climbed back onto its feet, and once again planted itself on the ground, still glowing, biding its time. James began to get upset, and told his pokemon to finish it off. His mudkip ran full speed at its enemy, intending to drive it into the dirt!
“Now Mudkip”
Just when its twin hit it, it unleashed a wave of energy and sent it flying; knocking them both back. They both climbed slowly to their feet, before collapsing.
“Ha!” James laughed. “It’s a tie and we’re still in the lead, 3-2!”
Twin Swellow’s flew into the air, zipping and swirling at the speed of sound! If you could see it then you’d understand!
That the author has heard one too many songs.
Ash’s swellow hit its clone with a vicious peck attack, and it fell from the sky.
“Use Wing Attack!”
Ash’s swellow moved to hit its opponent with glowing wings, when the free-falling bird disappeared, and hit him from behind with aerial ace!” Ash’s bird cried out in pain, before quickly dodging another move with agility. It looped around behind its foe and moved to hit it with a wing attack, only to have it dodge.
As the author is getting bored with his own story, and as no one really cares about swellow anyway, he speeds up the battle. Several aerial aces, bell-loop-the-loops, camp songs, world wars, drill pecks, fly-by-nights, peck & poops, heavy foam-light cinnamon, extra sugar, Grande-mocha lattes, a cheeseburger with fries, a double-dangler-half-twist-hold the onions-change for a buck-sprinkler leap, and some tackle attacks later, ash’s pokemon pulls a sky attack out of his butt to win.
A.N: I do not own Ed, Edd, and Eddy.
Ash and the gang are now informed that they left their headlights on, and are asked if they would like to change their long-distance carrier. They’re also informed that the score is even and the next battle decides the match.
Jessie and James laugh, saying they’ve been waiting for this and have saved the best for last. They throw a poke ball in the air. With a flash of light a hardened, evil looking, battle ready, electric mouse appears on the field.
Ash sent out pikachu. The one pokemon he trusted the most. The one pokemon who could prevail against any challenge and defeat any opponent, even himself. Pikachu used quick attack against his double, who dodged with agility. Pikachu went into agility and soon there were dozens of yellow mice running around. Pikachu’s twin used quick attack, yet pikachu dodged, and used tail-whip at the same time. The electrified tail hit the twin in the face, and knocked him back. Pikachu concentrated his energy in his tail, and swung the now iron-hard tail at the stunned pokemon. His twin quickly countered, however, with an identical iron tail, before hitting the shocked pokemon with a thunderbolt. Before pikachu could recover, his twin hit him with a flurry of punches and kicks that sent him reeling. His double jumped in the air and sent a Thunder attack at him, hoping to end it. The attack hit and filled the air with dust.
When the dust settled, pikachu was no where to be seen. Quickly looking up, they discovered pikachu had used his tail as a springboard to escape. He sent a thunderbolt at his foe, who quickly deflected it with light screen. Both pokemon hit the ground, panting hard. Suddenly, pikachu’s clone disappeared. He looked frantically around for him, but he was no where to be seen. Ash saw something pikachu didn’t however.
“Pikachu! Look out!”
He whirled around to see his foe standing behind him, an evil smirk on his face. Before he could react something like a burning knife was thrust into his neck. He screamed in agony as lightning rushed through his body, as his muscles burned. It felt like his bones were on fire! Twin-achu pulled what looked like a dagger made of lightening out of his enemy’s chest, pushing pikachu onto his back. He ground his foot into his chest, causing him to scream out, before raising the dagger to stab him in the neck.
Ash: No! Pikachu!
Pika-clone thrust the dagger at pikachu, just as a purple light surrounded ash and the gang, and they vanished.
000000000
Commercial Break!
Sonny the Cocoa Puffs Bird appears
“The only way to keep myself from going cuckoo for cocoa puffs is to sell everything that reminds me of its greatness!”
a bird comes over, holding an inflatable doll
“Say, what do you call these?”
“Hmm. They’re munchy!”
“Yeah?”
“Crunchy!”
“Yeah!”
“Chocolaty!”
“I know! They’re a couple of cocoa puffs!”
“Yes! And you can’t have them!”
“Why not?”
“Cause I’m, cuckoo for cocoa puffs! Cuckoo for cocoa puffs!”
Trick Daddy
Sweetie you look so incredible
So delicious and so damn edible
All I need is some honey or syrup
With a lil' butter to rub down all your curves
And no need for the lemonade
Just a twist of lime and some grape Kool-Aid
Can I call you Caramel?
Cuz I'm bout to go coo-coo to taste your Coco Puffs
One bowl ought to fill me up
But that milk gotta be cold enough
So supper time that'll hold me up
I might choke myself if I don't slow it up, but
Honey, you look like a honeydew melon
Or strawberry with the whipped cream filling
Of the top part of the peach cobbler
But uh, the fruit platter ought to do me better
She put that sugar (ooh, ooh!) on my tongue
(ooh, ooh!) She’s gonna
Gimme gimme some (ooh, ooh!)
She put it right there on my tongue (ooh!)
Right there on my tongue (She turns me on, like no other)
As Sonny starts hopping around the yard, we return to the story already in progress.
00000
Ash woke up, his pillow covered in sweat. He clutched his beating heart, trying to catch his breath. He wondered what was up with his dreams lately. First there was that one where he was starring in the Barney show, then that one where pokemon was replaced with some show about duel monsters, and now this freaky stuff where team rocket had made psycho clones of his pokemon, and tried to kill pikachu. What the heck!
“Are you alright aibou?”
Ash jumped a foot, and noticed that a tall guy with freaky pointed hair, purple eyes, and some pyramid necklace was sitting on the bed, staring at him.
“Who the heck are you!” ash screamed. Then he noticed his face in the mirror.
“Ahh! I’m a midget freak!”
0000000
The pharaoh shook his screaming vessel, trying to wake him up.
“What’s the matter aibou?” Yami asked the shaking Yugi.
“I dreamed I was that ash kid from pokemon again!”
“I told you that you shouldn’t play that foolish game right before bed!”
00000000
Ash woke up screaming.
“What the heck is going on around here!” he screamed
“I love you! You love me!”
Ash: ahhhh!
“Ahh, someone needs a hug!” the evil, purple dinosaur said.
00000
Ash woke up screaming and looked around.
“Everything seems normal, but it’s too freaking dark in here!”
He walks over to the window and raises the shade, and a man in a king costume holds out a meat omelet.
“AHH! STALKER!”
000000
Ash woke up, looked around, and sighed in relief when he saw his friends.
“You guys wouldn’t believe the crazy dreams I had. You were there, and you where there, and you where there, and we were all being controlled by idiotic humans!”
The green plant, blue snake, and brown starfish looked at the yellow rat on the bed and laughed.
“Ha, ha, ha! Yeah right! Like that would ever happen!”
00000
Seto Kaiba woke up screaming.
“That was weird! I thought I was that Catch-Em kid from that stupid show mokuba watches. Why can’t he just watch power rangers like any other kid his age? Also, what is this lump next to me!”
Kaiba looked next to him on the bed and saw Joey wheeler looking up at him.
“Up for another round, moneybags?”
“Ahhh!” seto screamed.
0000000
Ash woke up in a cold sweat, climbed out of bed, and then realized the floor was missing.
“Aaahh!”
00000
Ash woke up screaming and fearfully looked around. He was in the nearby pokemon center. Brock, Misty, and pika-who were sitting on chairs around him.
“Am I awake now?” he asked them.
A large, purple cat appeared and answered, “Yes, you are.”
“Ahh!” ash screamed. “Fat, purple cat! It talks! I am still asleep! Please don’t eat me Mr. Alien! I didn’t know those were you’re green mushrooms!”
Mewtwo: I’M NOT FAT! And what green mushrooms are you talking about?
Ash: huh? I don’t know. I guess I must have had a relapse from another of the authors’ stories. Anyway, how did we get here?
M2: I brought you all here. I witnessed Team Rocket’s clone about to kill your peek-a-boo, and brought you here with my psychic powers. It was really a simple process; all it takes is a little mathematical knowledge. If a2+b2c2 and pi 3.17, then 5 x 2 / by the reciprocal of 1 the sum of, are you even listening to me!
Ash was busy bouncing a ball off the wall.
Ass: I have no idea what you just said. Anyway, why did you help us?
Few2: a long time ago, you helped me. I was just returning the favor. Besides, I feel as if this is my entire fault.
Ask: why would you say that?
Brew2: because, I forgot to destroy the cloning machine when I erased your minds after you first saw me. I should have known that evil beings would be able to use it.
Musty: what do you mean you erased our minds!
erases their minds
Asp: uh, how did we get here?
U2: eyebrow twitching
Cash: anyway, we must find a way to destroy team rockets clones.
Block: how though? That clone of pika2 is unbeatable!
Pika-U: why is your eyebrow twitching? Stupid stuff like this happens all the time on this show!
Who2: that’s not why I’m angry.
Pika-chew: then why?
Fruit2: the insane and idiotic author keeps messing up everybody’s names!
Flew2: spontaneously combusts
Goo2: comes back
TIAIA: that’s for calling me that. If you want me to stop screwing with your names, you should try asking nicely!
Mountain Dew 2: sigh can you please stop messing with our names?
RAW: that’s better.
Mewtwo: thank you. IT was GETTING very ANNOYING and VERY old AND why ARE you FORCING me TO capitalize EVERY other WORD, it’s NOT funny ANYMORE and IT’S been DONE! (For full details check out The Bestest Fic EVER by Jinako-chan on (animorphs section)! it’s awesome!)
Meanwhile, ash was busy thinking about how to defeat team rocket. He looked down at the list of ways to defeat evil beings, crossed off machine guns/poison/ missiles/tanks/ hand grenades/fatty foods/disease/boring conversation/elections/speeches/super powers, common sense/diets/car crashes/gym class/homework/ and pretty much everything used to kill people in America, and found himself with only two options.
“Okay guys! I figure we have two choices. We can either ask professor oak for help, or we can have one final showdown-all guns blazing, and miraculously win from some ironic twist, because we’re the good guys!” ash stated.
Brock: eh! It’s been done!
Misty: yeah, ironic twists are so cliché!
Ash: power Prof. It is then!
He walks over to the nearby pokemon center and dials professor oaks lab. The monitor turns on at the other end, but he doesn’t see anyone. All he hears is a strange squeaking, and moans like somebody’s in pain. Then he hears the professor’s voice.
“It never fails; as soon as I get it up I have to get up! I’m getting to old for this! If this isn’t important I’m going to ki- well, hello ash!” professor oak said, coming into view. “To what do I owe this honor?” he inquired.
“It’s kind of complicated professor. It involves a lot of scantily clad women, ancient prophecies, cheesy song parodies, and love potions!”
“What!” the professor shrieked.
“Whoops! There go those relapses again. I’ve starred in so many stories I can’t keep them all straight! I mean that team rocket made some evil clones, and we don’t know how to defeat them. We were kind of hoping you could help us.” Ash pleaded.
“Hmm. I think I have some suggestions for you.” Power Pro-
The author’s phone rings.
RAW: Hello?
PPG, I mean anonymous callers: we know where you live. You’d do wisely to drop the power prof. references, if you know what’s good for you!
RAW: You don’t scare me! You three are all the way in Japan, and by the time you get here it’ll be past your bedtime!
Blossom: shoot! How’d you know it was us!
RAW: Duh! I hear Bubbles giggling in the background; and I’d recognize Buttercups raspy snickers anywhere!
B-B: HEY!
Blossom: he’s got a point!
B-B: HEY!
The author hangs up and returns to the story already in progress.
“Anyway ash, you need to look within, in order to beat the without.” Professor Oak said.
“Huh?” ash replied.
“You need to discover your own weaknesses before you can discern others.”
“What!” ash asked.
- Our thoughts and minds are one, you see!
Just my Pokemon and Me! - Professor Oak quipped.
“The Heck!” ash shouted
“I can’t make a good poem without rhymes, and this won’t make a good story without riddles! You’re the chosen one, so figure it out!” Oak said, exasperatingly, hanging up the video phone.
Ash turned to his friends and said, “Well, that was about as useful as trying to carry water with a piece of paper. Guess it’s time for option two.”
Brock, who was watching pikachu eat his lunch, suddenly jumped up. “Actually, I think I might have an idea!”
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Commercial Break!
A Domino’s Pizza Manager is seen in the kitchen.
“It’s Tuesday; A day when we can wake everybody up from the average, from the mundane. Let’s show them what a free pizza can do. Let me get a ho-ha 2 times Tuesday!”
The front of the store is shown and two men are waiting in line. One of the men meekly raises his hand.
“DO I LOOK LIKE I FREAKING CARE! I JUST GOT OFF THE F INTERSTATE, AND IT’S RUSH HOUR! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH GAS COSTS THESE DAYS! IT’S TWELVE IN THE AFTERNOON, I’VE HAD NO SLEEP, AND I HAVE TO PICK UP MY BRATTY SISTERS KIDS FROM SCHOOL, WHO’VE HATED ME SINCE DAY ONE, CUASE I TOLD THEM BARNEY ISN’T REAL, AND HE’S A CHILD MOLESTING PSYCHO! DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A S ABOUT YOUR FANTASY’S OF HUMAN TOGETHERNESS! YOU KNOW WHAT, IF IT MAKES YOUR DAY, AND LETS YOU WAKE UP EASIER IN THE MORNING, THEN HO-HA! HO-HA!”
“Thank you. That’s what I’m talking about!”
------
A domino’s deliveryman takes 3 pizzas to a house, and a black man opens the door.
“3 pizza’s with whatever I want on them! If I want olive, I can order olive. If I want pineapple, I can order pineapple!”
“But, you ordered 3 pepperoni.”
“I LIKE PEPPERONI! IS THERE A PROBLEM WITH THAT!”
“No, sir!”
------
A domino’s deliveryman walks 3 pizzas to the door, and Donald Trump answers.
“Here you are sir. 3 pizza’s for just 5 dollars each!”
“I have a better idea. How bout you give me those pizzas, but I just give you five for each one?”
“HOW BOUT YOU GIVE ME THE STUPID 15 DOLLARS, AND A GENEROUS TIP, AND STOP BEING AN IDIOT, BEFORE I SHOVE THESE PIZZA’S UP YOUR PIE-HOLE!”
“Yes, sir!”
A.N: There’s too much violence in America! We know return to the story already in progress!
0000000
We now find ash and his friends back at the clearing with Team Rocket Launcher.
James: so, I see you’ve come back for more, eh?
Ash: you bet we have! We’re taking you down once and for all!
James: I challenge you to a battle!
Ash: bring it!
An arena appears and ash and James, wearing karate outfits, both jump into it.
LOV: Mortal Kombat! mortal kombat music plays
They bow to each other before attacking. James moves to hit ash with a right cross, but he dodges it, grabbing James arm and swinging him over his shoulder. James quickly gets his feet beneath him, and uses the force from the throw to quickly punch ash in the stomach. Ash doubles over in pain, before dodging a kick by James. He grabs James foot and throws him back, making him fall to the ground. He aims a kick at his stomach, but James quickly rolls to the side, and sweeps his feet out from under him. They both jump up, and back-flip away from each other.
Misty: what are you guys doing!
James and ash look at her curiously. “We’re battling!” they said.
Jessie: it was supposed to be a pokemon battle!
James: what will that prove?
Ash: yeah! In a pokemon battle the pokemon does all the work and therefore should get all the credit! What would that settle between us?
All: will you just get down here and battle, with pokemon!
James/Ash: oh alright!
Ash sends out his pikachu. James and Jessie send out there clone. To team sprockets surprise, mewtwo’s pikachu jumps in.
“So, I see mister chosen one isn’t confident enough to face us alone! He has to go running to daddy for help!” Jessie mocked.
“Are you scared your pika-twit can’t handle two opponents jess?” ash smirked.
“Grr! 2 against 1 it is! But, when we beat you we get both pikas and you still have to be our lov- slaves!” Jessie snarled.
ash’s pikachu pikachu
team rocket’s pikacu pikachu
mewtwo’s pikachu pikachu
Richies pikachu dead/forgotten/no one cares!
With Symbols
Pikachu ran at pikachu using quick attack. Pikachu dodged, but was hit by pikachu using the same move. He quickly recovered and used his own quick attack, sending pikachu flying back. Pikachu swung at him with iron tail, but was blocked with the same move. Pikachu grabbed him and used double-slap, smacking him on each cheek, hitting him with enough force to knock some teeth loose. Pikachu jumped on the stunned rodent from behind and used thunderbolt. Pikachu screamed in pain before shaking him off, and using agility. As 1 pikachu became 4, both pikachu and pikachu found themselves dodging all over the field. Two pikachu rushed at them in a quick attack and they dodged them, only to be hit with tail whip by the other two. Dazed, they quickly shook it off, before joining their foe in agility. 4 rats became 12 rats, and soon the field was a blur of yellow mice.
Old McDonald: with a chu, chu, here and a chu, chu, there! Here a chu, there a chu, everywhere a –
All: shut up!
Old McDonald: well, excuse me!
Without Symbols
Pikachu crashed into a pikachu which disappeared. He ran at another pikachu but was hit from the side by a pikachu. Another pikachu shot a thunderbolt at him, but he dodged before tail-whipping a pikachu sneaking up behind him. He was slammed by a pikachu and knocked back, before he saw pikachu sneaking up on pikachu. He waved to his pikachu partner and the used thunderbolt on the pikachu, who deflected it into another pikachu with light screen. Then piakchu, pikachu, and pikachu tackled two other pikachus, who were using quick attack on pikachu. Suddenly all the pikachu’s disappeared, except for three who were all breathing heavily.
With Symbols
Pikachu held out his paws, and two lightning daggers appeared in them. He fused them into a double-sided light saber-
LOV: use the force!
-put it in his mouth, and ran at pikachu. Pikachu dodged to the left, but pikachu jerked his head, and the sword cut his shin. Pikachu yelped in pain and shot a thunderbolt at his foe, who quickly dodged. Pikachu jumped over him over, hoping to hit him with thunder, but pikachu quickly jumped up, hitting him in the stomach with the sword. Pikachu fell back in pain and pikachu moved to cut his throat, but was tackled by pikachu. Pikachu dropped his saber and came up growling. He rushed at the others in a quick attack.
Ash: do it now!
Suddenly pikachu and pikachu pulled ketchup bottles out of nowhere, opened them, and squirted the red substance all over team rocket.
Jessie, James, and meowth were now covered head to toe in ketchup.
Jessie: hey! What’s the meaning of this! You ruined my perfect hair.
Meowth: if meowth wanted to be covered in tomato paste, he would of opened an Italian restaurant!
Pikachu stopped his charge and stared at his ketchup covered trainers, with star-filled eyes. Suddenly, a small chicken ran by screaming “the sky is falling, the sky is falling!” Also, a bespectacled, black haired, Asian went flying through the air, muttering about deranged swordswomen and how he was just cleaning the hot springs. Also, pikachu gave an excited cry and launched himself at team rocket, licking the ketchup off of them.
Jessie: ack! Get off of us you deranged flea-bag!
James: yeah, finish the battle you perverted rodent!
Meowth: what he said, you depraved rat!
Team rocket suddenly realized their mistake, along with ash’s trick, when pikachu started growling, cheeks sparking. You see, this was a clone of ash’s pikachu, and having been around ash’s pikachu over the years they’ve learned a few things. He loves ketchup, but he hates to be insulted. With a loud explosion, pikachu launched a thunder attack that sent them all flying through the air.
Team Rocket: looks like we’ve been licked again!
00000000
Commercial Break!
It’s night time and a young boy is talking to his group of friends.
“Are you guy’s hungry? I can make Tostitos Pizza Rolls.”
Another boy says, “I love Tost-!”, but is quickly shushed.
“But, we have to be quiet!”
They nod and sneak down the stairs, reminding each other to be quiet.
They quickly heat up a plate of Tostitos Pizza Rolls, and each grab some.
“My Tostitos tastes like a cheeseburger!”
“Mine tastes like a taco!”
“Mine tastes like ‘I DON’T GIVE A FU’ with a hint of ‘SHUT THE H UP!’”
A light turns down and an angry mom calls: “Who the f is down there!”
“RUN!”
As the hungry kids get there butts handed to them, we now return to the story already in progress.
00000
Team Rocket is blasted all the way back to rocket headquarters. They land in the middle of Giovanni’s office, destroying several statues, his desk, a few chairs, his wine cabinet, Butch and Cassidy who were there for no particular reason, his big screen TV, and several yodeling trophies. (Don’t ask!) All there clones come out.
Giovanni: Dude, what’s up with up that? Why you dogs crashing my crib? That ain’t no way to be treating a playa, homies! Ya’ll trippin, man!
Jessie: sorry, mar. boss man, supreme master, head honcho, lord and conquer, your majesty, your highness, oh esteemed headmaster, sir!
Giovanni: sacre blur! Look at all ze fine specimens. They’re magnificent!
James: you think so?
Giovanni: I do! These are indeed some rare and powerful looking pokemon. This pikachu is extraordinarily special! I’ve never seen that dagger technique! Tell you what! Starting now I’ll increase your salary! You give me pokemon, and we’ll call it even.
Team Rocket: okay!
Giovanni: ciao!
0000
Jessie, James, and meowth were walking down the hallway.
James: you know Jessie, know that we gave the boss all our powerful clone pokemon, we still don’t stand a chance against the twerps!
Jessie: I never thought of that! Well then, we’ll just have to clone some more!
James: that’s good!
Meowth: but, they probably destroyed the machine by now!
James: that’s bad!
Jessie: then we’ll make our own machine!
James: that’s good!
Meowth: but we got no money!
James: that’s bad!
Jessie: then we’ll just steal some!
James: that’s good! Or is that bad?
- As the author instructs the bespectacled Asian on the wonders of dodging, we now end the story already in progress.
“One look will make, you do a double take!”
The Author Says: I WALK A LONELY ROAD ON HOLIDAY AND IT’S ALL THAT I’VE GOT BECAUSE I’M MR. BRIGHTSIDE! A CURSE ON YOU MANGLED MUNCHIN HEADS WHO SMITE THE ROYAL MAYONAISSE JARS OF JUSTICE FOR USE IN YOU SALT MINES OF FORTITUDE WITH YOUR PINK HATS AND GIRLISH CLOTHES! BEWARE THE SNORKS THAT SLEEP ON FOUR SCORE AND SEVEN YEARS AGO PIXIES WHO DABBLE IN OIL WHEN REPRESENTING THE LOLLIPOP GUILD AT THE JACKSON TRIAL ON STERIODS! LOOK BOSS, THE PLANE, THE PLANE! HE WORE AN ITSY BITSY TEENY WEENIE YELLOW POLKA DOT BIKINI! AND FURTHERMORE-
/Misty runs up and hits him with her mallet./
“Thank you. That was the result of one too many randomized fics. This fic is also pretty insane with some random nonsense, and a small plot. Enjoy!”
000000000000
“Seviper, use poison tail!”
“Cacnea, use pin missile!”
The over-grown caterpie, I mean large purple snake, whipped his glowing, purple tail at the menace to society, I mean tiny-harmless-innocent-cute & cuddly-wouldn’t hurt a fly-ball of yellow fluff, known as Pikachu. While the side salad, I mean small, green cactus pokemon, sent a flurry of needles at it. Pikachu, however, quickly dodged with agility, before knocking them into their trainers with a quick attack.
“Pikachu, use thunderbolt!”
The tiny electric mouse complied and sent a surge of electrical energy at the three crooks. There was a loud explosion, and the would-be-thieves were sent flying into the stratosphere, nearly dodging a low flying plane, several angry Swellow, a kite, Mary Poppins, a flying carpet, and a watch. (Time flies!)
“We’re blasting off again!”
“Wobba-wobb!”
“Chime, chime!”
0000000000
Commercial Break!
A couple of men are walking down the street, trying to figure out where to eat.
Boomerangs fly in and out of the Outback.
Police Officers are arresting the Burger King for stalking.
There’s a rat, rat here, and a roach, roach there at McDonalds.
Hornets and Wasps are stinging everyone in sight at Applebee’s.
Despite the warm, summer breeze, kids are building snowmen at Chili’s.
Boulders fall out of the sky and crush the nearby Hardies.
A small twister destroys the resident Wendy’s.
A church collapses and its bell tower falls onto Taco Bell.
A train jumps the tracks, crushing Subway.
The Olive Garden is overgrown with weeds.
A herd of bulls stampedes the Dairy Queen.
Capital One Vikings invade the Pizza Hut.
The men look at each other and say, “I’m thinking Arby’s!”
We know return to the story already in progress.
0000000000000
The frequent flyers of Pikachu express, I mean Team Rocket, found themselves on a remote island after their latest defeat. After agreeing that bunging jumping without a parachute WASN’T a good idea, they started contemplating ways to exact their revenge and crush ash and his friends, a.k.a. the chosen one and his sidekicks, a.k.a. the sucker squad, a.k.a. team twerp, a.k.a. it’s them again, a.k.a. those meddling kids and that dog! (Wait, wrong show!)
The red-haired leader, known out loud as Jessie and known whispered as ‘you deranged psycho-bitch!’, was agreeing with something her bumbling blue-haired partner, known out loud as James and known whispered as ‘Damn, he’s hot!’ (You fan-girls know who you are!)
“No, you’re right, James, machine guns would cost too much. Besides, even though that brat has attacked us with enough fire-power to make World War II look like a water gun fight, and even though we’ve been bitten, beaten, zapped, slapped, clawed, pawed, stomped, bonked, fired, watered, and frozen enough times to make the Jackson trial look like jaywalking, we can’t just kill the kid. I mean, without him there would be no show!”
The red and blue-haired partner’s wipe off their white uniforms, (oh boy, it’s great to say, good morning USA! –American Dad) and snap in disappointment. Meanwhile their third member, a small, white, flabby, I mean tabby cat, known out loud as Meowth and known whispered as ‘mangy mongrel’, whistles innocently as he wonders if he should remind his teammates of the time where they almost charbroiled ash at the pokemon league, or when they sent him plummeting to his doom off of a tire robot, or when they tried to crush him with a hammer, or when they, you get the idea.
At this time, a certain blue pokemon known as Wobbuffet decides he feels like a pancake, pops out of his poke ball, and finds out how true that statement is when he’s smashed by Jessie’s mallet. At this time Meowth speaks up.
“It doesn’t matter how often we fight the twerps. We’ll always lose because he’s got that Pikachu, not to mention all them other strong and rare pokemon.”
“You know Jess, he’s right. We can’t win because our pokemon aren’t nearly that strong, and we only have four to begin with. In a way, the only way to beat their pokemon is to use their pokemon.”
Jessie scoffs. “And just how do you suppose we do that, James?”
At this time it is 2:00 pm. Also, meowth takes in their surroundings and notices a large machine behind them.
“What’s that?”
All those present said aye! They also whipped around to find meowth staring at a large evil looking device. A conveyer belt led into a machine, connected to several large tanks, filled with some type of water. All of them had a strange sense of deja vu.
Jessie, looking nervous, “do either of you get the feeling that we’ve been here before?”
James holds his chin thoughtfully. “This is like the prequel to a movie I missed.”
After getting bonked on the head, since if he acted any stupider it would be illegal, he points out something on the machine. They all read the mysterious panel, and their faces light up with understanding.
“I have an idea!” Jessie sings.
- As the author prepares to end the story since the fat lady sang, he sees the evil look Jessie is giving him, and thinks better of it.
0000000000
Commercial Break!
Narrator: CinnaMon knows that kids love the sweet cinnamon taste of Apple Jacks®. That’s why, every time someone pours a bowl of Apple Jacks® cereal, he sprints to the breakfast table to deliver the taste kids want.
“Here I come! I am CinniMon!”
Narrator: But there’s a Bad Apple out there who has other ideas.
-As cinnamon passes the apple he says, “Those are my apple jacks!” and runs after him.
a large Tiger is standing by a bowl of hexagonal cereal
Tony: I was sure I did everything right! What am I missing?
sees cinnamon running by and grabs him
Tony: of course! I forgot the cinnamon!
-bad apple runs up to the house, jumps in the cereal bowl and says, “now who’s the winna-mon!”
kid takes a bite of apple jacks and spits it out
“Yuck! Mom, my apple jacks tastes like apples!”
- As a confused parent stares at her kid, the author returns to the story already in progress.
000000000
Later, at the Headquarters’ for Scrawny R’ Us, I mean the twerps campsite, Brock can be found jerking off to the latest Brittany Spears CD, while Ash and Misty practice the Ninja Harem, and pikachu charges admission-
- The author notices the fan fiction administrators reaching for the holy switch and tones it down, while making a mental note to cut back on the Naruto books.
“Holy two all-beef patties, pickles, lettuce, onions, cheese, special sauce on a sesame seed bun!” Brock exclaimed.
The girl known out loud as Misty, and known whispered as Musty, know-it-all bitch who doesn’t deserve ash, (fan-girls) and the boy known out loud as Ash, and known whispered as, Scrawny, whiny, little rotten brat who couldn’t catch a pokemon or win a match without pikachu if his life depended on it, looked up at their friend to see what drugs he was on, hoping he had some for them.
“What the problem is chief?” asked Ass Ketchup, I mean Ashley, I mean As-if-he-could-ever-be-a-master, I mean the chosen one, I mean the frozen one, I mean the posing one,-
- As annoyed readers wonder if they should search for a different fic to read, the author looks up the kids name and gets it right.
Brock: I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico!
Anime Fall
“Plus I just got this letter!”
Ash looks at the letter B on the paper.
“Cool!” he said.
“But look on the back! There’s a note! (Musical) And I got this message!” (Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?)
Ash and Misty read the message from Team Rocket.
“It says there challenging us to a duel tomorrow and to be ready to lose.
They all look at each other, with a straight face, as they try not to think about the daily aerial shows pikachu provides them. Then they crack up.
Ash: “looks like another credit for pikachu’s charge account!”
Misty: “if that is what they wish! “
Brock: “The match shall restore my strength!”
- The author looks at what he just wrote and decides he’s watched one too many movies.
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Commercial Break!
We find ourselves in a household where a young boy is found enjoying a bowl of rice krispies. His mom jokingly asks what his rice krispies are saying.
“Snap, Crackle, and Pop are in a meadow.”
Pop talking to flowers: Hi! How you doing? Do you come here often? What’s your name?
Snap: Sigh! I told him not to drink the milk if it was 8 days past the expiration date! Did he listen!
Crackle: He heard that talking to flowers makes them grow!
Snap: Ever heard of water?
Crackle: Here Pop! Try some Rice Krispies!
Snap, Crackle, Pop!
37 million flowers come out of nowhere, burying our unfortunate mascots, who are never heard from again!
back at the house
“And that’s what my Rice Krispies are saying!”
The Mother stares at him like he lost his mind.
“The Fu He!” Puts her ear to the cereal bowl, but all she can hear are the random snaps, crackles, and pops, caused by the milk hitting the air pockets of the baked rice.
“The heck did you eat last night!”
“All I had was that basil spaghetti we had for dinner.”
The mother pulls a plastic bag out of the cabinet and stares at the green contents. She takes out one of the leaves, smells it, and then eats one. She considers, and eats one again.
“This is not Basil.”
As her husband upstairs wonders why it’s taking so long to get high, and why the green leaves he’s munching remind him of spaghetti, the author returns to the story already in progress.
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Pikachu could be found along with all the other pokemon having an orgy party, teaching Psyduck the basics, and basically doing things that don’t belong in PG-13 fics!
Pikachu: So I stick my fog horn in her whistle to make her elephant trumpet!
Psyduck: Ah! Now I understand! Can I try!
They could be found doing that! But they weren’t. Pikachu and the gang, after terrorizing the local McDonald’s for forgetting the pickles, were chilling with a few “good” books in the forest. They were so busy “reading” that they didn’t notice the small metal claws picking up some of their shed fur. They also didn’t notice someone’s long red hair, someone’s short blue hair, a gold charm, someone coughing, scratching, and screaming, Psyduck reading a physics book with overly large glasses, several misplaced socks (unmatched), several pairs of keys, Waldo, Carmen Sandiago, a girls bra, a boys shorts, assorted Frisbees and footballs, the butterfree mating season, an elephant stampede, and Osama Bin Laden. Proof that there’s nothing like a good “book”!
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Commercial Break!
a man walks down a row of cubicles
“Here at Safe Auto, we really couldn’t give a rat’s a about your needs and concerns.”
turns to a woman, talking to a customer
“She’s been riding a bike all summer, and now she needs insurance. I told her to go f herself.”
“Here at Safe Auto, we make sure you get the answers you deserve when you need them.”
turns to a man, talking to a customer
“He wants to know how soon he can get insurance if he can pay now. I told him to kiss my a.”
“At Safe Auto we’ll give you the things you need, for a price that meets yours!”
Pick up the phone, insults are free!
(Player-hate!)
1-800-Safe-Auto
(Player-hate!)
Safe Auto!
We know return to the story already in progress
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The next day
The author got several reviews asking when the story would be updated. He replied that he would work on it later.
Later
The author got several more reviews asking about updates, and replied that he was suffering writer’s block and would get to it eventually.
eventually
The writer wakes up, says “uh”, and goes back to bed.
uh
The author says: F& you, and your ugly grandma! You F# w$’s can kiss my a$$! M&$F(&$ b&’s! You piece of f$$ frog s#, piece of s# a$$h--!
(Too many movies)
so much later they had to hire substitute authors. Having nothing else to do since discovering Barney was really Michael, the brats jumped at this job.
Tom Ato and his disciples, Ann Chovie and Ceaser Salad, head over to the Olive Garden. (Whoops, wrong episode!)
Ash and the gang find there way to a deserted meadow, where an arena has been set up.
- As angry environmentalists run up, angry that someone would poison good grass with their messy paint, the author, from behind his force field, informs them that it is non-toxic and washable.
Jessie James, Butch Cassidy, and the Sundance-
(Whoops!)
Jessie and James were waiting for them.
The gang looked up in they sky.
“Look! Up in the sky!”
“Is it a bird?”
“Is it a plane?”
“Is it the imprint of a departed soul?” (Harry Potter Fans, check out it’s superman!”
Superman, show-off that he is, shoots of a few lasers. Unfortunately, meowth was in the hot air balloon, looking at himself in the mirror, and one of the beams bounces off the mirror (breaking it), off his charm, and into Superman’s, um, candy cane.
I I take you to the candy shop! I let you lick the lollypop! I/
Superman flew off, cursing the pokemon characters to Hell’s Kitchen and back.
Meowth laughs. “Ha, ha! I knew that breaking a mirror was bad luck; So much for that theory! Listen up twerps! This here will be a best four out of seven, all or nothing match. If you win, we will quit team rocket, surrender our pokemon, and open up a se-, uh fast food joint! If we win you will quit pokemon training, surrender your pokemon, and be our se-, uh food servants for a week!”
Ash looked at Team Rocket and said, exasperatingly “you know, we do have better things to do with our lives, then kick your sorry butts into next weeks episode!”
James: “oh sure you do! You’ve been, uh, trying to become a pokemon master, right? Umm, hmm, been, uh working on that for the past three years, eh? Been, umm, doing a little training, uh? Been traveling around to the different regions? Been, uh, earning a few, uh, badges? Been collecting some new pokemon? Got a nice little assortment, there, eh? Been, uh, scoping out the competition? Seen a few legendaries lately? Got in a few matches, hmm? Doing that for about three years, eh? Yeah, you’re real busy!” (Lucky there’s a Family Guy!)
Ash and the gang huddled, decided on a field goal at the 50 yard line, and agreed.
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Commercial Break!
The Trix Rabbit steals the kids Trix yogurt and cereal, only to be tricked again.
Girl: silly rabbit! Trix are for kids!
Rabbit: shut the F up! I am so sick and tired of you saying that! Every single time! Where on the box does it say that! Tell me!
Boy: What if we don’t shut up! What are you going to do about it!
Rabbit: I’ll buy my own Trix!
Boy: Ha! Everyone knows rabbits can’t get jobs!
Rabbit: I’m sure I’ll get plenty of money by selling this picture of some boy, wearing some girls sky blue bra and panties, breast-feeding a power-puff girl doll, while sitting on a unicorn-patterned bed, with a picture of Kim possible and Ron stoppable, sans clothing, on the wall, on EBay!
Boy: Wait! You know, I’ve been thinking and we have been a little harsh all these years! Why don’t you just take our cereal!
Girl: Wait, that sounds a lot like my room! I have a poster just like that! You pervert!
As the poor boy gets his head handed to him, the author returns us to the story, already in progress.
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Ash sent out Bayleff, figuring she would make short work of Jessie’s Seviper. Hiding behind Misty and Brock, so as not to be poke-raped when she came out, he summoned her to the field.
- Yami Yugi: I I summon Exodia! Obliterate! I/
- Seto Kaiba: I Not so fast Yugi! I activate light force swords, destroying a piece of Exodia! I/
- Yami Yugi: I damn it! I/
Bayleef, deprived of her daily cheap thrill, swung the leaf on her head and launched a few razor-sharp leaves at Team Rocket. Suddenly two vines flew through the air, knocking the leaves aside, before wrapping around Bayleef and holding her immobile. With a gasp, Ash and the gang realized that Jessie had summoned not Seviper, but a Bayleef!
“Ha, ha, ha! You twerps don’t stand a chance this time. We’ve made clones of all your pokemon! It’s like fighting yourself!” Jessie laughed.
Ash grumbled and said, “No clone can ever be as good as the original! Bayleef, use vine whip!”
Bayleef used vine whip to attack its counter-part, but its clone released it. Using its vines, it jumped over bayleefs attack, and landed on its back in a body-slam. As Ash’s pokemon fainted, he realized with horror that not only did Team Rocket somehow have a copy of all their pokemon, the clones also had the unique characteristics of their counter-parts, including all their moves!
Misty called out her trusty starfish. In a flash of light a yellow duck appeared, and was instantly crushed by misty’s hammer. It evolved into a large blue duck, flipped misty the bird, and ran off into the wild to find some hot, sexy, chicks- I mean a sense of self and a good trainer. Glad to be rid of it, misty sent out Staryu, and Jessie did the same. Both Staryu’s did a spinning tackle and sent the other flying. Misty’s staryu hit Jessie’s with a bubble beam, before trapping it in a whirlpool. Misty cheered, but then Jessie’s broke free with rapid spin, and tackled misty’s. Jessie’s moved to hit misty’s again, when it disappeared with Camouflage. Misty’s reappeared, and fired several razor-sharp stars at Jessie’s, who quickly used recover, and rapid spin. Misty’s was knocked back into a rock, and before it could get up, it was hit again and fainted.
“Ha, ha, ha! Pathetic! We just started and it’s already 2-0!” Jessie gloated.
Misty and Jessie sent out Gyarados. Jessie’s shot a wave of flames at Misty’s. It dodged the attack, at the same time spewing a wave of water all around it. It curled up, and rode the resulting wave into its opponent, knocking it off its feet. Before Jessie’s Gyarados could recover from the surf attack, it was hit by an ice beam, and frozen. Misty was about to recall her pokemon, when a bright golden flame ripped through the ice, and the freed gyarados hit her pokemon with a raging twister. It then flew at the spiraling pokemon, biting it in the neck, and causing it to scream in pain.
“Hyper Beam”
Gyarados’s mouth filled with a pulsing, white energy that was fired at the ‘pain in the neck’, knocking it out.
Meowth calmly noted that the score was 2-1, and takes the time to remember all the hard studying he and his partners had to do to get this far.
Flashback
Team Rocket in Art Class:
They were told to paint a picture of a naked model.
James: Do I have to paint the penis?
In Drawing Class:
James: Do I have to draw the penis?
In Sculpting Class:
James: Do I have to sculpt it with my penis?
- The author looks at what he just wrote and decides he’s watched too much Family Guy.
End Flashback
The boy known out loud as Brock, and known whispered as that squinty eyed pervert, called upon his trusty mudkip, and growled when James did the same. Mudkip hit the ground with its tail, sending a wave of mud at its opponent. James pokemon ducked, the attack going over its head. It shot a torrent of water at its foe, which turned into a whirlpool, and sent the helpless pokemon spinning around in circles.
“Hydro Pump”
Mudkip fired water at the ground, propelling it up and out of the whirlpool, and quickly used Protect as another jet of water flew at him. He ran at his opponent in take down, only to have him jump on his head and leap away. He fired a water gun at him, but it was dodged, before his opponent hit him with tackle. He fired several more water guns at its opponent, and was shocked that it dodged them all with ease, before once again tackling him. Brock realized that somehow this clone was faster then his. At this rate, his pokemon would be tired out before it could land a single shot. Then he had a stroke of Inspiration.
“Mudkip, don’t move!” he shouted.
Mudkip promptly stopped moving, sitting down in the middle of the field.
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Commercial Break!
2 men and a woman are sitting at a table, enjoying Taco Bells Cheesy Gordita Crunch.
Man 1: It’s soft; very soft, a little crunchy, but more mushy.
Man 2: definitely soft and mushy. I’d say Smushy.
“Smunchy, perhaps?”
“Definitely smunchy. There also great in pairs.”
“I hear that. Most people focus on one, but I say if there are two, focus on both!”
“Word up! Ever wonder what it’d be like if there were 3?”
“Let’s not get carried away now. 2 are more then enough!”
“But imagine if you only had one!”
“Ugh! That’s just wrong! You have to have 2, one would just be weird!”
“I hear ya! Knuckle me!”
As the poor woman wonders if they’re still talking about tacos, we return to the story already in progress.
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Meanwhile, in another part of Janto, or was it Koenn? No, no, definitely Hohto; a large, long tailed, purple cat was flying trough the trees. Did I mention he was large?
Mewtwo: I am NOT fat! I’m just big-boned!
Richard Simons: Yes! Just keep saying that; and work those thighs, and work those thighs, and-
Mewtwo sends a shadow ball at the pest, blasting him to pieces. A large, ominous voice yells: FINISH HIM!
Mewtwo screams like a little girl and runs through the forest.
Large, ominous voice: OOOOKAYYYY!
- The author decides to try that scene again.
Author: The large purple tailed cat, known out loud as Mewtwo and known whispered as-
Mewtwo: I am Psychic you know!
Author: I didn’t do it! I was kidding!
Mewtwo and his mousey friend were flying through the forest.
I Mew, Mew, Two of the jungle, strong as he can be! Ahh! Watch out for that tree! I/
Mewtwo crashes into a tree.
Author: I told you to watch out!
“Mother-fu---- piece of sh--! I otta chop you down and make toothpicks out of ya, you fu----- piece of dog sh--! You piece of fu---- frog sh--, piece of sh--a--hole!”
These censors brought to you by Silph Co.!
“Shut up!”
Pikachu 2 looks up at his creator and friend.
God: “quit staring at me you little punk!”
Pikachu: “sorry!”
Anyway, pikachu asks Mewtwo what the problem is.
“What do you think? I’m out here trippin on four-fours, wrapped in four-fours, and getting dissed like Mike Jones!”
Pikachu: “Who?”
Mewtwo: “Mike Jones.”
Pikachu: “Who!”
“Forget it! Any way, I think ash may be in danger. Since I was made I’ve seen dead people, I mean been able to sense other clones. I now sense that several evil clones are battling our old friend even as we speak. I feel a disturbance in the Force.”
A voice calls out: “ahh, very smart young grasshopper is!”
“The bloody heck!” Mewtwo looks around and sees a small, green creature sitting in a tree. He then screams like a little girl and runs through the forest.
“Aahhh! Run for your lives! It’s the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! They’re green! They’ve got weapons! They talk!”
A large sweat drop forms on the back of pikachu’s head.
Yoda: “hmm. Very strange that one is.”
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Commercial Break!
A chubby credit card employee is talking to a customer over the phone.
“I’d like to review my credit card miles?”
“Hmm. Okay!”
A sandy-haired executive, watching him on a monitor, grabs a nearby voodoo doll and says, “oh chub-sy! Come on! The answers always-“ sticks pin in doll
“No!” the chubby guy says, arching his back in pain.
Executive: “that’s right!” has the voodoo doll hit itself in the face.
Employee: hits himself in the face continuously.
Executive: “I’m not hearing it!”
Employee: upside down in trash can. “No! No!”
Executive: slides doll along the desk.
Employee: “No!” slides into girls restroom, scaring a girl, and gets slapped.
Executive: drops doll off desk.
Employee: falls off cliff. “No!”
Executive: sets doll on fire.
Employee: runs around in forest, burning up trees. “No! No!”
Executive: runs over doll with toy car.
Employee: “No!” gets hit by a bus.
Executive: smashes dolls hand with a hammer.
Employee: Smashes on hand with hammer. “No! No!”
Dresses up in girls clothing and moonwalks.
Kisses someone’s a.
Moons the president.
Chases a car like a dog.
Swings from a vine and crashes into a tree.
Gets chased by a bull.
Kicked in the nuts.
Jumps off an airplane.
Falls up the stairs.
Has house fall on him.
Goes over Niagara Falls in a barrel.
Gets electrocuted.
Gets blown up.
Eats a salad.
Employee: “No! No! No! No!”
Narrator: Capital One credit cards now featuring no black out dates, at any airline, at any time!
Employee in body cast: “I should of worked at Capital One!”
Executive in jail: “what’s in YOUR wallet?”
as our poor, unfortunate employee gets fixed, the author returns us to the story already in progress.
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Mudkip sat in the middle of the field, softly glowing. James laughed, thinking it was giving up, and ordered his mudkip to use quick attack. It ran at its sitting opponent and crashed into it. The pokemon flinched, but continued stand still. He came back around and once again tackled it to the ground. Mudkip flew across the field and crashed into a tree. It slowly climbed back onto its feet, and once again planted itself on the ground, still glowing, biding its time. James began to get upset, and told his pokemon to finish it off. His mudkip ran full speed at its enemy, intending to drive it into the dirt!
“Now Mudkip”
Just when its twin hit it, it unleashed a wave of energy and sent it flying; knocking them both back. They both climbed slowly to their feet, before collapsing.
“Ha!” James laughed. “It’s a tie and we’re still in the lead, 3-2!”
Twin Swellow’s flew into the air, zipping and swirling at the speed of sound! If you could see it then you’d understand!
That the author has heard one too many songs.
Ash’s swellow hit its clone with a vicious peck attack, and it fell from the sky.
“Use Wing Attack!”
Ash’s swellow moved to hit its opponent with glowing wings, when the free-falling bird disappeared, and hit him from behind with aerial ace!” Ash’s bird cried out in pain, before quickly dodging another move with agility. It looped around behind its foe and moved to hit it with a wing attack, only to have it dodge.
As the author is getting bored with his own story, and as no one really cares about swellow anyway, he speeds up the battle. Several aerial aces, bell-loop-the-loops, camp songs, world wars, drill pecks, fly-by-nights, peck & poops, heavy foam-light cinnamon, extra sugar, Grande-mocha lattes, a cheeseburger with fries, a double-dangler-half-twist-hold the onions-change for a buck-sprinkler leap, and some tackle attacks later, ash’s pokemon pulls a sky attack out of his butt to win.
A.N: I do not own Ed, Edd, and Eddy.
Ash and the gang are now informed that they left their headlights on, and are asked if they would like to change their long-distance carrier. They’re also informed that the score is even and the next battle decides the match.
Jessie and James laugh, saying they’ve been waiting for this and have saved the best for last. They throw a poke ball in the air. With a flash of light a hardened, evil looking, battle ready, electric mouse appears on the field.
Ash sent out pikachu. The one pokemon he trusted the most. The one pokemon who could prevail against any challenge and defeat any opponent, even himself. Pikachu used quick attack against his double, who dodged with agility. Pikachu went into agility and soon there were dozens of yellow mice running around. Pikachu’s twin used quick attack, yet pikachu dodged, and used tail-whip at the same time. The electrified tail hit the twin in the face, and knocked him back. Pikachu concentrated his energy in his tail, and swung the now iron-hard tail at the stunned pokemon. His twin quickly countered, however, with an identical iron tail, before hitting the shocked pokemon with a thunderbolt. Before pikachu could recover, his twin hit him with a flurry of punches and kicks that sent him reeling. His double jumped in the air and sent a Thunder attack at him, hoping to end it. The attack hit and filled the air with dust.
When the dust settled, pikachu was no where to be seen. Quickly looking up, they discovered pikachu had used his tail as a springboard to escape. He sent a thunderbolt at his foe, who quickly deflected it with light screen. Both pokemon hit the ground, panting hard. Suddenly, pikachu’s clone disappeared. He looked frantically around for him, but he was no where to be seen. Ash saw something pikachu didn’t however.
“Pikachu! Look out!”
He whirled around to see his foe standing behind him, an evil smirk on his face. Before he could react something like a burning knife was thrust into his neck. He screamed in agony as lightning rushed through his body, as his muscles burned. It felt like his bones were on fire! Twin-achu pulled what looked like a dagger made of lightening out of his enemy’s chest, pushing pikachu onto his back. He ground his foot into his chest, causing him to scream out, before raising the dagger to stab him in the neck.
Ash: No! Pikachu!
Pika-clone thrust the dagger at pikachu, just as a purple light surrounded ash and the gang, and they vanished.
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Commercial Break!
Sonny the Cocoa Puffs Bird appears
“The only way to keep myself from going cuckoo for cocoa puffs is to sell everything that reminds me of its greatness!”
a bird comes over, holding an inflatable doll
“Say, what do you call these?”
“Hmm. They’re munchy!”
“Yeah?”
“Crunchy!”
“Yeah!”
“Chocolaty!”
“I know! They’re a couple of cocoa puffs!”
“Yes! And you can’t have them!”
“Why not?”
“Cause I’m, cuckoo for cocoa puffs! Cuckoo for cocoa puffs!”
Trick Daddy
Sweetie you look so incredible
So delicious and so damn edible
All I need is some honey or syrup
With a lil' butter to rub down all your curves
And no need for the lemonade
Just a twist of lime and some grape Kool-Aid
Can I call you Caramel?
Cuz I'm bout to go coo-coo to taste your Coco Puffs
One bowl ought to fill me up
But that milk gotta be cold enough
So supper time that'll hold me up
I might choke myself if I don't slow it up, but
Honey, you look like a honeydew melon
Or strawberry with the whipped cream filling
Of the top part of the peach cobbler
But uh, the fruit platter ought to do me better
She put that sugar (ooh, ooh!) on my tongue
(ooh, ooh!) She’s gonna
Gimme gimme some (ooh, ooh!)
She put it right there on my tongue (ooh!)
Right there on my tongue (She turns me on, like no other)
As Sonny starts hopping around the yard, we return to the story already in progress.
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Ash woke up, his pillow covered in sweat. He clutched his beating heart, trying to catch his breath. He wondered what was up with his dreams lately. First there was that one where he was starring in the Barney show, then that one where pokemon was replaced with some show about duel monsters, and now this freaky stuff where team rocket had made psycho clones of his pokemon, and tried to kill pikachu. What the heck!
“Are you alright aibou?”
Ash jumped a foot, and noticed that a tall guy with freaky pointed hair, purple eyes, and some pyramid necklace was sitting on the bed, staring at him.
“Who the heck are you!” ash screamed. Then he noticed his face in the mirror.
“Ahh! I’m a midget freak!”
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The pharaoh shook his screaming vessel, trying to wake him up.
“What’s the matter aibou?” Yami asked the shaking Yugi.
“I dreamed I was that ash kid from pokemon again!”
“I told you that you shouldn’t play that foolish game right before bed!”
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Ash woke up screaming.
“What the heck is going on around here!” he screamed
“I love you! You love me!”
Ash: ahhhh!
“Ahh, someone needs a hug!” the evil, purple dinosaur said.
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Ash woke up screaming and looked around.
“Everything seems normal, but it’s too freaking dark in here!”
He walks over to the window and raises the shade, and a man in a king costume holds out a meat omelet.
“AHH! STALKER!”
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Ash woke up, looked around, and sighed in relief when he saw his friends.
“You guys wouldn’t believe the crazy dreams I had. You were there, and you where there, and you where there, and we were all being controlled by idiotic humans!”
The green plant, blue snake, and brown starfish looked at the yellow rat on the bed and laughed.
“Ha, ha, ha! Yeah right! Like that would ever happen!”
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Seto Kaiba woke up screaming.
“That was weird! I thought I was that Catch-Em kid from that stupid show mokuba watches. Why can’t he just watch power rangers like any other kid his age? Also, what is this lump next to me!”
Kaiba looked next to him on the bed and saw Joey wheeler looking up at him.
“Up for another round, moneybags?”
“Ahhh!” seto screamed.
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Ash woke up in a cold sweat, climbed out of bed, and then realized the floor was missing.
“Aaahh!”
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Ash woke up screaming and fearfully looked around. He was in the nearby pokemon center. Brock, Misty, and pika-who were sitting on chairs around him.
“Am I awake now?” he asked them.
A large, purple cat appeared and answered, “Yes, you are.”
“Ahh!” ash screamed. “Fat, purple cat! It talks! I am still asleep! Please don’t eat me Mr. Alien! I didn’t know those were you’re green mushrooms!”
Mewtwo: I’M NOT FAT! And what green mushrooms are you talking about?
Ash: huh? I don’t know. I guess I must have had a relapse from another of the authors’ stories. Anyway, how did we get here?
M2: I brought you all here. I witnessed Team Rocket’s clone about to kill your peek-a-boo, and brought you here with my psychic powers. It was really a simple process; all it takes is a little mathematical knowledge. If a2+b2c2 and pi 3.17, then 5 x 2 / by the reciprocal of 1 the sum of, are you even listening to me!
Ash was busy bouncing a ball off the wall.
Ass: I have no idea what you just said. Anyway, why did you help us?
Few2: a long time ago, you helped me. I was just returning the favor. Besides, I feel as if this is my entire fault.
Ask: why would you say that?
Brew2: because, I forgot to destroy the cloning machine when I erased your minds after you first saw me. I should have known that evil beings would be able to use it.
Musty: what do you mean you erased our minds!
erases their minds
Asp: uh, how did we get here?
U2: eyebrow twitching
Cash: anyway, we must find a way to destroy team rockets clones.
Block: how though? That clone of pika2 is unbeatable!
Pika-U: why is your eyebrow twitching? Stupid stuff like this happens all the time on this show!
Who2: that’s not why I’m angry.
Pika-chew: then why?
Fruit2: the insane and idiotic author keeps messing up everybody’s names!
Flew2: spontaneously combusts
Goo2: comes back
TIAIA: that’s for calling me that. If you want me to stop screwing with your names, you should try asking nicely!
Mountain Dew 2: sigh can you please stop messing with our names?
RAW: that’s better.
Mewtwo: thank you. IT was GETTING very ANNOYING and VERY old AND why ARE you FORCING me TO capitalize EVERY other WORD, it’s NOT funny ANYMORE and IT’S been DONE! (For full details check out The Bestest Fic EVER by Jinako-chan on (animorphs section)! it’s awesome!)
Meanwhile, ash was busy thinking about how to defeat team rocket. He looked down at the list of ways to defeat evil beings, crossed off machine guns/poison/ missiles/tanks/ hand grenades/fatty foods/disease/boring conversation/elections/speeches/super powers, common sense/diets/car crashes/gym class/homework/ and pretty much everything used to kill people in America, and found himself with only two options.
“Okay guys! I figure we have two choices. We can either ask professor oak for help, or we can have one final showdown-all guns blazing, and miraculously win from some ironic twist, because we’re the good guys!” ash stated.
Brock: eh! It’s been done!
Misty: yeah, ironic twists are so cliché!
Ash: power Prof. It is then!
He walks over to the nearby pokemon center and dials professor oaks lab. The monitor turns on at the other end, but he doesn’t see anyone. All he hears is a strange squeaking, and moans like somebody’s in pain. Then he hears the professor’s voice.
“It never fails; as soon as I get it up I have to get up! I’m getting to old for this! If this isn’t important I’m going to ki- well, hello ash!” professor oak said, coming into view. “To what do I owe this honor?” he inquired.
“It’s kind of complicated professor. It involves a lot of scantily clad women, ancient prophecies, cheesy song parodies, and love potions!”
“What!” the professor shrieked.
“Whoops! There go those relapses again. I’ve starred in so many stories I can’t keep them all straight! I mean that team rocket made some evil clones, and we don’t know how to defeat them. We were kind of hoping you could help us.” Ash pleaded.
“Hmm. I think I have some suggestions for you.” Power Pro-
The author’s phone rings.
RAW: Hello?
PPG, I mean anonymous callers: we know where you live. You’d do wisely to drop the power prof. references, if you know what’s good for you!
RAW: You don’t scare me! You three are all the way in Japan, and by the time you get here it’ll be past your bedtime!
Blossom: shoot! How’d you know it was us!
RAW: Duh! I hear Bubbles giggling in the background; and I’d recognize Buttercups raspy snickers anywhere!
B-B: HEY!
Blossom: he’s got a point!
B-B: HEY!
The author hangs up and returns to the story already in progress.
“Anyway ash, you need to look within, in order to beat the without.” Professor Oak said.
“Huh?” ash replied.
“You need to discover your own weaknesses before you can discern others.”
“What!” ash asked.
- Our thoughts and minds are one, you see!
Just my Pokemon and Me! - Professor Oak quipped.
“The Heck!” ash shouted
“I can’t make a good poem without rhymes, and this won’t make a good story without riddles! You’re the chosen one, so figure it out!” Oak said, exasperatingly, hanging up the video phone.
Ash turned to his friends and said, “Well, that was about as useful as trying to carry water with a piece of paper. Guess it’s time for option two.”
Brock, who was watching pikachu eat his lunch, suddenly jumped up. “Actually, I think I might have an idea!”
0000000
Commercial Break!
A Domino’s Pizza Manager is seen in the kitchen.
“It’s Tuesday; A day when we can wake everybody up from the average, from the mundane. Let’s show them what a free pizza can do. Let me get a ho-ha 2 times Tuesday!”
The front of the store is shown and two men are waiting in line. One of the men meekly raises his hand.
“DO I LOOK LIKE I FREAKING CARE! I JUST GOT OFF THE F INTERSTATE, AND IT’S RUSH HOUR! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH GAS COSTS THESE DAYS! IT’S TWELVE IN THE AFTERNOON, I’VE HAD NO SLEEP, AND I HAVE TO PICK UP MY BRATTY SISTERS KIDS FROM SCHOOL, WHO’VE HATED ME SINCE DAY ONE, CUASE I TOLD THEM BARNEY ISN’T REAL, AND HE’S A CHILD MOLESTING PSYCHO! DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A S ABOUT YOUR FANTASY’S OF HUMAN TOGETHERNESS! YOU KNOW WHAT, IF IT MAKES YOUR DAY, AND LETS YOU WAKE UP EASIER IN THE MORNING, THEN HO-HA! HO-HA!”
“Thank you. That’s what I’m talking about!”
------
A domino’s deliveryman takes 3 pizzas to a house, and a black man opens the door.
“3 pizza’s with whatever I want on them! If I want olive, I can order olive. If I want pineapple, I can order pineapple!”
“But, you ordered 3 pepperoni.”
“I LIKE PEPPERONI! IS THERE A PROBLEM WITH THAT!”
“No, sir!”
------
A domino’s deliveryman walks 3 pizzas to the door, and Donald Trump answers.
“Here you are sir. 3 pizza’s for just 5 dollars each!”
“I have a better idea. How bout you give me those pizzas, but I just give you five for each one?”
“HOW BOUT YOU GIVE ME THE STUPID 15 DOLLARS, AND A GENEROUS TIP, AND STOP BEING AN IDIOT, BEFORE I SHOVE THESE PIZZA’S UP YOUR PIE-HOLE!”
“Yes, sir!”
A.N: There’s too much violence in America! We know return to the story already in progress!
0000000
We now find ash and his friends back at the clearing with Team Rocket Launcher.
James: so, I see you’ve come back for more, eh?
Ash: you bet we have! We’re taking you down once and for all!
James: I challenge you to a battle!
Ash: bring it!
An arena appears and ash and James, wearing karate outfits, both jump into it.
LOV: Mortal Kombat! mortal kombat music plays
They bow to each other before attacking. James moves to hit ash with a right cross, but he dodges it, grabbing James arm and swinging him over his shoulder. James quickly gets his feet beneath him, and uses the force from the throw to quickly punch ash in the stomach. Ash doubles over in pain, before dodging a kick by James. He grabs James foot and throws him back, making him fall to the ground. He aims a kick at his stomach, but James quickly rolls to the side, and sweeps his feet out from under him. They both jump up, and back-flip away from each other.
Misty: what are you guys doing!
James and ash look at her curiously. “We’re battling!” they said.
Jessie: it was supposed to be a pokemon battle!
James: what will that prove?
Ash: yeah! In a pokemon battle the pokemon does all the work and therefore should get all the credit! What would that settle between us?
All: will you just get down here and battle, with pokemon!
James/Ash: oh alright!
Ash sends out his pikachu. James and Jessie send out there clone. To team sprockets surprise, mewtwo’s pikachu jumps in.
“So, I see mister chosen one isn’t confident enough to face us alone! He has to go running to daddy for help!” Jessie mocked.
“Are you scared your pika-twit can’t handle two opponents jess?” ash smirked.
“Grr! 2 against 1 it is! But, when we beat you we get both pikas and you still have to be our lov- slaves!” Jessie snarled.
ash’s pikachu pikachu
team rocket’s pikacu pikachu
mewtwo’s pikachu pikachu
Richies pikachu dead/forgotten/no one cares!
With Symbols
Pikachu ran at pikachu using quick attack. Pikachu dodged, but was hit by pikachu using the same move. He quickly recovered and used his own quick attack, sending pikachu flying back. Pikachu swung at him with iron tail, but was blocked with the same move. Pikachu grabbed him and used double-slap, smacking him on each cheek, hitting him with enough force to knock some teeth loose. Pikachu jumped on the stunned rodent from behind and used thunderbolt. Pikachu screamed in pain before shaking him off, and using agility. As 1 pikachu became 4, both pikachu and pikachu found themselves dodging all over the field. Two pikachu rushed at them in a quick attack and they dodged them, only to be hit with tail whip by the other two. Dazed, they quickly shook it off, before joining their foe in agility. 4 rats became 12 rats, and soon the field was a blur of yellow mice.
Old McDonald: with a chu, chu, here and a chu, chu, there! Here a chu, there a chu, everywhere a –
All: shut up!
Old McDonald: well, excuse me!
Without Symbols
Pikachu crashed into a pikachu which disappeared. He ran at another pikachu but was hit from the side by a pikachu. Another pikachu shot a thunderbolt at him, but he dodged before tail-whipping a pikachu sneaking up behind him. He was slammed by a pikachu and knocked back, before he saw pikachu sneaking up on pikachu. He waved to his pikachu partner and the used thunderbolt on the pikachu, who deflected it into another pikachu with light screen. Then piakchu, pikachu, and pikachu tackled two other pikachus, who were using quick attack on pikachu. Suddenly all the pikachu’s disappeared, except for three who were all breathing heavily.
With Symbols
Pikachu held out his paws, and two lightning daggers appeared in them. He fused them into a double-sided light saber-
LOV: use the force!
-put it in his mouth, and ran at pikachu. Pikachu dodged to the left, but pikachu jerked his head, and the sword cut his shin. Pikachu yelped in pain and shot a thunderbolt at his foe, who quickly dodged. Pikachu jumped over him over, hoping to hit him with thunder, but pikachu quickly jumped up, hitting him in the stomach with the sword. Pikachu fell back in pain and pikachu moved to cut his throat, but was tackled by pikachu. Pikachu dropped his saber and came up growling. He rushed at the others in a quick attack.
Ash: do it now!
Suddenly pikachu and pikachu pulled ketchup bottles out of nowhere, opened them, and squirted the red substance all over team rocket.
Jessie, James, and meowth were now covered head to toe in ketchup.
Jessie: hey! What’s the meaning of this! You ruined my perfect hair.
Meowth: if meowth wanted to be covered in tomato paste, he would of opened an Italian restaurant!
Pikachu stopped his charge and stared at his ketchup covered trainers, with star-filled eyes. Suddenly, a small chicken ran by screaming “the sky is falling, the sky is falling!” Also, a bespectacled, black haired, Asian went flying through the air, muttering about deranged swordswomen and how he was just cleaning the hot springs. Also, pikachu gave an excited cry and launched himself at team rocket, licking the ketchup off of them.
Jessie: ack! Get off of us you deranged flea-bag!
James: yeah, finish the battle you perverted rodent!
Meowth: what he said, you depraved rat!
Team rocket suddenly realized their mistake, along with ash’s trick, when pikachu started growling, cheeks sparking. You see, this was a clone of ash’s pikachu, and having been around ash’s pikachu over the years they’ve learned a few things. He loves ketchup, but he hates to be insulted. With a loud explosion, pikachu launched a thunder attack that sent them all flying through the air.
Team Rocket: looks like we’ve been licked again!
00000000
Commercial Break!
It’s night time and a young boy is talking to his group of friends.
“Are you guy’s hungry? I can make Tostitos Pizza Rolls.”
Another boy says, “I love Tost-!”, but is quickly shushed.
“But, we have to be quiet!”
They nod and sneak down the stairs, reminding each other to be quiet.
They quickly heat up a plate of Tostitos Pizza Rolls, and each grab some.
“My Tostitos tastes like a cheeseburger!”
“Mine tastes like a taco!”
“Mine tastes like ‘I DON’T GIVE A FU’ with a hint of ‘SHUT THE H UP!’”
A light turns down and an angry mom calls: “Who the f is down there!”
“RUN!”
As the hungry kids get there butts handed to them, we now return to the story already in progress.
00000
Team Rocket is blasted all the way back to rocket headquarters. They land in the middle of Giovanni’s office, destroying several statues, his desk, a few chairs, his wine cabinet, Butch and Cassidy who were there for no particular reason, his big screen TV, and several yodeling trophies. (Don’t ask!) All there clones come out.
Giovanni: Dude, what’s up with up that? Why you dogs crashing my crib? That ain’t no way to be treating a playa, homies! Ya’ll trippin, man!
Jessie: sorry, mar. boss man, supreme master, head honcho, lord and conquer, your majesty, your highness, oh esteemed headmaster, sir!
Giovanni: sacre blur! Look at all ze fine specimens. They’re magnificent!
James: you think so?
Giovanni: I do! These are indeed some rare and powerful looking pokemon. This pikachu is extraordinarily special! I’ve never seen that dagger technique! Tell you what! Starting now I’ll increase your salary! You give me pokemon, and we’ll call it even.
Team Rocket: okay!
Giovanni: ciao!
0000
Jessie, James, and meowth were walking down the hallway.
James: you know Jessie, know that we gave the boss all our powerful clone pokemon, we still don’t stand a chance against the twerps!
Jessie: I never thought of that! Well then, we’ll just have to clone some more!
James: that’s good!
Meowth: but, they probably destroyed the machine by now!
James: that’s bad!
Jessie: then we’ll make our own machine!
James: that’s good!
Meowth: but we got no money!
James: that’s bad!
Jessie: then we’ll just steal some!
James: that’s good! Or is that bad?
- As the author instructs the bespectacled Asian on the wonders of dodging, we now end the story already in progress.
“One look will make, you do a double take!”
